– You know, Mom, sometimes I get really, really angry, and I don’t know why.
– Tell me more about it, sweetheart.
– It’s like there’s something inside me, a little person, is pressing buttons, maybe like stepping on a mine while walking through a field, and then it explodes and tells me: ‘And now, Krzyś, you will scream, howl, and throw things,’ and I do it, but then, after a few minutes, when I look around and the room looks like a hurricane, like a tornado has passed right through it, and I see how much damage it has done, how many things it has destroyed – the little boy pondered, completely calm at that moment. He was just curious about himself and trying to understand his nature. A very reflective young man for his few years.
– And do you know what you can do to stop that effect of pressing the red button or stepping on a mine? What to do so that it doesn’t suddenly explode inside you?
– I think, Mommy. Will you think with me? – the boy gently asked.
And they sat together on a colorful carpet in a bright room, surrounded by puzzles and blocks and other children’s toys. They sat and pondered.
– You know, if we think about it, we will definitely find out. Does anything come to mind? – the mother gently said, leaning slightly towards him.
They considered how to understand themselves and pause before an explosion…
– You know, Mom, I think it’s a bit like the oceans, rivers, and seas. We know something about them, but there are still so many undiscovered corners. So many fish, so many monster-like creatures hiding in underwater caves and nooks, so many of them blending into the bottom that only when you swim there and stir the water around, do they appear. There are places where we like to swim and splash around because we feel safe. Those are the situations where we feel confident and know what to expect from ourselves, and we really, really like that. Sometimes, however, we touch a spot that hurts, bites us from the inside, about which we would prefer never to know it existed, but it’s there. As soon as we disturb it, the water rises, becomes murky, rages, and destroys everything around like a tsunami. Do you remember those terrifying recordings of huge waves that destroyed everything on the shore? They were also caused by a volcanic eruption or an earthquake. Something stirred the water before it caused massive devastation. Before it destroyed everything.
They both fell silent for a moment, lost in thought.
– So what now, Mom? I don’t want others to be afraid of me, like that tsunami… I don’t want them to distance themselves from me – the boy said, worried and sad, his clear, shiny eyes fixed on the bright floor.
The mother gently stroked his head and said:
– We need to swim through these seas and oceans, see where the scary creatures hide, peek into the darkest places, and meet all the memories and difficult feelings that we might prefer to forget. We will befriend them, tame them, and make them less scary, less unwanted, so that they are heard, understood, cared for, and accepted. Then they won’t scream so much when touched – hidden feelings and wounds will no longer be red buttons and mines. I will help you get to know them. I will be with you on this extraordinary journey of self-discovery. I will hold your hand, hug you, and support you when needed. I will give you strength, but you will have to have enough courage to meet them, to not turn away from them, even though it seems very, very difficult right now.
– And once you tame and understand them, why they disturb you so much, maybe you will be able to stop them before pressing the red button, before something inside you steps on a mine and triggers an explosion? – the mother continued her thoughts.
– Sounds great, Mom! Like the most wonderful adventure! Like I’m a sailor! I’ll have a sword in my hand, a patch over my eye, and a striped shirt! And I’m so eager to search and discover!
– Yes, getting to know yourself is a wonderful journey! Shall we set off?
– Let’s go! And every day I will think not only about what I learned about numbers, books, and the history of other people in this world, but also about what I learned about myself. I will gladly tell you all about it!
– And I will always be happy to listen – the mother replied with a gentle smile. – I will also pay more attention now to what I have learned about myself. Because even though I am your mother and older than you, there are still so many things I don’t know about myself. Not just about what stirs me up, but also what embarrasses me, what makes me happy, what makes me cry. There is so much for us to discover!
– It sounds like we could learn our whole lives! – the boy was completely excited by this thought.
– Exactly!
And they both smiled at each other, hugged, and were happy to have each other.
And calmly returned to assembling the puzzles and blocks that lay nearby, leaving this life adventure of self-discovery for a little later.
Ilustration: Oliwia Matuszak (10 years old) 🙂
